


Realization

by burrfication



Series: 2020 [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: 2020-verse, Fluff, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, pov swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 03:41:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14845007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burrfication/pseuds/burrfication
Summary: 2020-verse, alternate point of view ficlet.The marriage between Aaron and Alexander is fake. None of their friends know, and so neither of them have an excuse to avoid a celebration in their honour. Aaron has a little too much to drink and realizes something important.





	Realization

Aaron Burr was drunk.

It was not often he allowed himself to drink to excess, but the situation called for it. If the party Jon and Laurens had organized was not an unmitigated disaster, he would eat his hat. Aaron and Alexander were too different for their social circles to mingle. Both Jon and Aaron were more partial to a wine bar than a club, and in Aaron's opinion asking Maria to attend an event with Alexander was unthinkable. But Maria had come, along with her partner, and neither of them said a word about their own history with Alexander. The thought left Aaron cringing with embarrassment. It was the gracious thing for them to do, but it should not have been their responsibility to be gracious. Aaron longed for a chance to apologize, but circumstances denied him that.

He had been absorbed into the circle of Alexander's friends as soon as he set foot in the pub. They had greeted him with an unnecessary amount of exuberance, hooting and slapping him on the back and generally treating him as one of their own. It was both touching and exasperating. They were welcoming him as best they knew how, but Aaron hated such boisterous interactions. Aside from the fact that they seemed loud and undignified, Aaron never knew how to respond. He fumbled through the interactions as best he could. He laughed at their jokes and accepted their teasing with a good-natured grin, even when they stumbled across topics that cut too deep. It was a relief that none of them knew him well enough to pick up on his discomfort. The only person here Aaron expected to be able to read him was Jon, and the fact that he had not appeared to rescue him was proof that Jon was busy elsewhere. No one would know how uncomfortable Aaron was. 

When he had a chance, Aaron scanned the room for his friend. What he saw made him freeze in place. 

Jon had been pulled into a conversation by Alexander. He looked even more uncomfortable than Aaron felt. That much was hardly surprising. Jon despised Alexander with a passion, convinced he was a threat to Aaron's safety and happiness. What was surprising was Alexander. He had leaned forward towards Jon, his expression open and earnest. His hands were on the table with his palms facing upwards and the usual combative glint in his eyes was gone. Aaron may not have been able to understand Alexander perfectly, but one thing was clear: Alexander was not trying to fight. Six months ago, Aaron would have believed it was impossible. Alexander Hamilton lived to argue. He seized any opportunity to fight with glee, and surrender did not seem to be a word in his vocabulary. But the evidence was before Aaron's eyes. Alexander was trying to make peace with Jon, and there was only one reason he might bother to do that.

Aaron felt as though the breath had been punched out of him. For three seconds he could do nothing but stand in place and observe the flood of emotions that took him with awe. He hadn't expected this. He had known his little infatuation with Alexander was a problem, but this - this terrified Aaron. The rush of affection and warmth shook him to his very core. It was inappropriate. It was inconvenient. Worst of all, it was completely out of control. Aaron had been caught up and swept away by the rush of dopamine before he had even realized it could happen. His feelings were spiraling out of control faster than he had thought. For a moment, Aaron could see the future with terrible clarity. He would fall in love with Alexander. It did not matter how aloof he was or what precautions he took: if he and Alexander continued as they had been, Aaron would not be able to help falling for him. That would be a disaster of the highest order. There was no way that road could end in anything but heartbreak and misery.

The thought brought with it a flash of irritation. This was Alexander's fault. Aaron would not be in this position if Alexander had not been so stubborn and brilliant and dangerously attractive. He would not be in this position if Alexander had the decency to be as brash and selfish with Aaron as he was with everyone else. But no, Alexander had decided to single Aaron and his friends out for special treatment. 

The irritation left as quickly as it came. It left Aaron feeling drained and shaken. God, was he really so angry at Alexander for being likable? He leaned against Alexander and tried to quash the guilt in his heart, taking comfort in the warmth of his body against his own. Alexander's arm draped over his shoulder. The gesture should not have comforted Aaron as much as it did, but he felt his racing heart slow at the carelessly familiar gesture. It was comforting to feel Alexander reach out for him.

"Burr?"

Too late, Aaron realized he had drifted out in the middle of a conversation. Alexander's friends were looking at him expectantly: Lafayette with his usual disdain, and Laurens with a knowing grin. He had been caught. He put on an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry. Alexander distracted me."

"He did nothing," Lafayette pointed out. Before Aaron could defend himself, Laurens laughed and elbowed Lafayette in the ribs.

"Don't worry about him," he told Aaron with a grin. "He's just bitter he owes me five bucks now. I told him you were busy mooning over Alexander."

The revelation that they had been talking about him mortified Aaron. He laughed along with them and bought another round of drinks, but after that he slipped away to the other end of the table. The Schuyler sisters would be more inclined to ignore him than tease him, and Maria would be on his side. She grinned at him as he took a seat opposite her.

"We're drinking our way through the cocktail menu," she told him. "Do you want in?"

Aaron chanced a glance back at Alexander. He had moved on from talking to Jon, but that did not help ease the ache in Aaron's heart. Alexander's hands waved through the air as he spoke. As always, he conducted himself with a kind of passion and enthusiasm that Aaron found intoxicating. Before he could spend too long considering that, Maria snapped her fingers under his nose. He came back to reality with a jolt.

"Hey. Aaron. Do you want in or not?"

"I'm in," Aaron said. Maria gave him an approving pat on the head and went up to the bar. He let himself take one last glance back at Alexander before he returned his attention to the cocktail menu. There was only so much time Aaron could spend pining. He would pay Alexander no more attention for the rest of the night. For now, he would drink and dance with his friends and forget all about Alexander until the sun rose.


End file.
